I'm doing better today

kind of. I am certainly a little nicer. I still didn't sleep last night, because I couldn't get comfortable. But after crying for three hours last night and talking everything over with DH, emotionally I feel better. I'm still anxious about a few things, but a little more relaxed too.

I'm angry at my doctor. I completely understand his reasoning, but I'm angry. And totally anxiety ridden. He and his colleagues have decided not to neccessarily deliver their own patients as of June 1. I'm due July 5. I have a 1 in 6 chance of having him at the birth. 1 of the only 3 Obstetricians in town has decided to stop delivering. 5 more family doctors have also decided to stop delivering. Add all of these patients to my doctor's caseload, and he'd probably be at the hospital every night. He's got a wife and kids, and a full time practice. In his own practice, he has 80 pregnant patients. So he and 5 other doctors have decided that they're going to schedule a day a week to be the doctor at the hospital for deliveries. He's in a practice of 3 doctors, one of whom I really don't like, and would REALLY prefer is not at the birth of my child. I also have a 1 in 6 chance of having this doctor at my delivery.

Add this to the fact that I am TERRIFIED of actually giving birth. The only thing that was easing my mind was that MY doctor was going to be there, since I trust him with my life. And I trust him with my child's life. And now there's a good chance it will be someone I don't know.

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I went for a walk today with T, a little too much I think. Currently the room is spinning - I think I must go and lay down.