Pearls of Wisdom

On Sunday I had one of the hardest conversations I've ever had with DH's Grandmother, Pearl. She wanted to talk about dying, and how to go. She'd been in liver failure for over two months, and she didn't want to be in the hospital, nor live the way she was living. She was on a million pills, tubes, procedures, and she just wanted it to end. She was glad she had been here to meet my DD, and thanked me for bringing her to the hospital for visits, and that she had been able to hold her. She told me she thought I was the only one who would understand that she wanted to die. We talked for a good half hour, both of us laughing and crying. I told her that I loved her, and that everyone in the family would greatly miss her, but that if she didn't want to be here anymore, we couldn't make her stay, and that if she was suffering, it was no way to live. She basically asked me for permission to die, and I gave it to her. I think she just needed someone to tell her it was okay to go. I told her I didn't want her to, but that I understood, that I wouldn't want to live the way she was either. After all the emotional stuff was over, she told me she just didn't want it to take very long - and that she was pissed off that she wouldn't be here for the 2010 Olympics!
We said goodbye, and I told her I loved her.

That will be my final memory of her. They told us yesterday that she had about 24 - 48 hours. DH and his family all got to say goodbye, and she passed at 9:30 this morning. Thank God it was quick.

She will be greatly missed, and I am very sad that DD will not have memories of her, but I am very glad she is no longer suffering.

Love you Grandma