oh, and

on the 8th I went to a Rheumatologist who is a specialist in AutoImmune Diseases, and after he poked and prodded and asked a gazillion questions, sent me for 9 vials worth of blood tests, xrays, he thinks my family doctor is probably right, that I have Bechet's Disease. The tests and xrays are to rule out other autoimmune diseases, because there is no diffinitive test for Bechet's. He said he's certain that there's an autoimmune disease or connective tissue disorder, but he's leaning towards Bechet's. Anyway, he'll have the results of the xrays today, some of the blood tests by next week, and the rest in a month - so I go back on the 13th of September for a follow up, to see what he's been able to rule out.

I've decided there's no point in worrying anymore. I was totally anxious before the appointment. But he's a really nice doctor, and maybe above all else I thought there was a chance he would tell me it was all in my head. I have now had three doctors(two family, one specialist) and one dentist tell me there is something wrong with my body, so I guess it's not just in my head. For that I'm relieved in a way, cause how I'm feeling is so hard to describe to friends and family they look and me oddly sometimes. Not that they mean to, and I understand why they don't get it. I don't look sick. So people expect me to be normal. But my body is waging a war on itself, and most of the time I feel like a train wreck.

My point of not worrying anymore is this: there is SOMETHING wrong. Of this the doctors are certain. Of what, they're still not sure. Whether it's Bechet's or any of the alternatives, really, they all hold the same kind of power over my longterm health. So which one it is, doesn't really matter in that way. Now we just need to know because the treatment options for each disease are different, and the routine tests they run to keep track of each disease is different. So that's all I need to know my diagnosis for. I've accepted there IS going to be a diagnosis. I'm no longer under the impression this was just malarky.

So whatever. We find out what it is, we learn how to manage it, and what to do to keep it as under wrap as possible.