POOP on my hands, only shaved one leg, an ODE to Motherhood

Okay, so not exactly an ode. It would be if I knew how to write poetry.

What happens when you try to do something when you or your kids are sick???

Last Saturday, DD, who is now 14 months old had a fever of 102. It lasted until Monday night. Tuesday it was down to about 99/100 on and off. I, however, on Tuesday, woke up with a nasty ass headache, plugged sinuses and ears. By Tuesday night, I had the fever.

Wednesday brought a fever for DS and I. I tried doing laundry anyway. I have a really bad burn on my thumb to prove how well that went. And every time I tried to draw/cut one of the stencils for my niece's room I thought my head would explode from bending over. Oh, and DS, who is almost 4, and is FINALLY almost potty trained, and had worn underwear monday and tuesday, had to wear diapers and pullups all day b/c he pooped about 8 times, not making it to the bathroom half of that.

Thursday my fever finally came down. Finally. The weather had been so hot in addition to the fevers. DD was still cranky. DS was still pooping. We didn't leave the house. I actually had a nap while DD had one, and made DS sit in my bed and watch TV while I slept. Apparently, the mailman tried to deliver a package while I was sleeping. CRAP. That means a trip to the post office. At about midnight, I realized I had forgotten to cut a few of the stencils. CRAP. Painting was Friday.

Friday, I get everything and everyone packed (Or so I thought) into the car, despite the plugged ears, imbalance and pounding head. I decide to go to the post office. But, lo and behold, in my befuddled state, couldn't find it. CRAP. Oh well, I'll just go to Dsis's. Get onto Highway 1, and the traffic is a nightmare. Oh ya, long weekend. I get about halfway there and realize I've left the stencils at home. DOUBLE CRAP. DD at this point hasn't fallen asleep like she should have and is whining. DS wants to know when we'll get to aunties. I get off the Hwy, and get turned around and have to take a back road to the next entrance back onto the HWY. I get back on, traffic is slow. Just past 232, we come to a standstill. WTF. It's 11am??? Apparently it had something to do with a semi in the median and a bunch of chickens. Needless to say, It took me an hour and a half to leave home and get back again. We stayed home. Which ended up to be a good thing apparently, because it would have taken me about 3 hours to get home later in the day, if I'd actually have made it to DSis's.

Today. Saturday. I finally try to have a shower while DD is sleeping and DS is watching TV. It's the first time all week that I haven't waited until DH is home for fear of DS pooping or DD waking up from her fever. We are supposed to be going out this afternoon. So I am in the middle of shaving my legs. Okay, leg. I only got the left leg done. Because while I was finishing it, DS waddles into my bathroom, pullup and shorts around his ankles shouting "Mommy, I got poop on the side of the toilet, but I wiped it up and I wiped my bum." OH GOD. HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WIPE HIS BUM YET. I finish rinsing the conditioner out of my hair (cause we all know what that looks like if you don't!!!) and hop out of the shower, running down the hall. There is poop all over the toilet. None on his clothes or pull up. All over his backside. The bathroom counter is wet. I asked if he got poop on his hands. Him "not anymore. I tried to wash it with water, but that didn't work, so I just wiped them off and that worked." OH GOD. Where did you wipe them?? "I don't know" WHERE DID YOU WIPE THEM????? "Just on K's bath towel." OH GOD. More laundry. THANK THE LORD ABOVE FOR LYSOL DISINFECTING WIPES.

Oh, and I told him to come and get me out of the shower next time BEFORE he goes POOP.