so not coool enough

Okay, so maybe overexaggerating, but I am sooo not cool enough to know the people I know.

Lately we've been re-connecting with friends that we haven't seen in a while because of life and where we were living. Now that we're closer, it's just so much easier.

Some of our friends now own a great huge cabin at Hundred Mile. It looks beautiful, and they've been bugging us to come stay with them, but DH just can't take the time from work.

Other friends, the Hubby is a computer animation guy. I know he does gaming stuff, and since I'm not into much of it, never really paid attention. They were over for dinner last night and his wife was talking about the last movie he worked on (OK, WTH, when did he start doing movies?), and it just happened to be the last Nicholas Cage one where he rides the motercycle (can't remember the name). Anyway, the ending was his suggestion. And he worked on the computer stuff for it. Wow. That is so neat.

Then the other couple that was over last night, well they just fit us into their busy schedule. LOL. They just spent three days this week in TO on BEYONCE's dollar. No shitting you. Her company , House of Dereon, flew them to TO and put them up and fed them for three days. The are the largest retailer of her line in BC. (OK, I failed to mention they have two shoe stores and a clothing store - it's in Oakridge, I forget the name of it right now). So as her biggest retailer in BC, they got some nice treatment, and were there for her fall clothing launch - only 300 other people there. She sang, and they got pics from 10 feet away. Huge coctail party and everything. Must be nice. Actually, I'm very happy for them, because they have really worked hard for every penny they have. As much as I tease them, I really actually admire them for their hard work and dedication to their businesses.

Sigh, all while I was being a SAHM with vertigo last week. I bet I had more fun. I just kept pretending I was at playland! LOL.

EEEWWWW Gross

I was a little mad (ok, PO'd) that because of the non-stop spinning of my head the last few days, my DH thought I shouldn't drive for an hour to my sister's today. Ok, so he was, ahem, right, but still, I made a promise to help get my niece's room ready to paint, it's kind of a tricky procedure to get the flowers on the walls, and I made a promise. I hate breaking promises. But seeing as how I tip over quite often these days, and when I turn my head the world spins, I can see that DH had a point - maybe I shouldn't drive for an hour with our children in the car.

So to the point of the eewww gross. I decided to try to keep myself busy and because we're supposed to be going out this weekend, I thought I would spend today doing laundry. Well, I also tend to be forgetful these days. Our new machine makes you have the lid closed while the water is pouring in, and I like to mix the detergent and water halfway before I put clothes in. Well, the second load, I actually forgot to put the clothes in. And it ended up being a blessing, cause GROSS. The water was disgusting, little floaty things all over the place. It's a 3yr old washer, and the other people obviously never cleaned it. It has two "magical filters" - swear to god that's what it says on them - that were jammed full of crud. I have spent the last two hours cleaning the damn washer of all it's crap. Scrubbing the filters. And now the washing machine is washing itself again. Just to make sure I got rid of the crud. So I guess laundry is on hold for a moment or five.

Decisions

to drug or not to drug? Haha that sounds crazy. Anyway. I really don't like taking drugs, we all know anyone can become addicted. And I can't say I love the way I feel when I take them. But it is soooo nice to have relief from the pain. I have many to chose from. There's the heavy duty anti-inflammatory for the back pain. There's the T3's, for the tension headaches that make me dizzy when they get really bad. And then there's the oxycocet, or percocet. Heavy duty narcotic. It's the only thing that works to reduce the pain of the canker sores, because I get exposed nerves when they get deep. Which I have about 4 deep ones right now, in addition to a few smaller ones. After a few days of being terribly cranky and not being able to eat much, I took one this evening after the kids were in bed. That's the other thing. I won't take them unless DH is home, and the percocet I won't take unless the kids are in bed, or I take myself off to another room. I just get really spacey. OK, stoned. Weird, me, who never did drugs as a teenager is sitting here stoned. And I'm still up, because ironically the drugs that take away the pain also don't allow me to sleep. I drift in and out all night, but am mainly conscious. I know with the T3's it's the caffeine in the prescription that does it, I don't know if there's any in the percocet.

I've also been REALLY emotional the last few days. DH has been great for the most part. Sometimes he just doesn't know what to say or do, because I know this is really hard for him to.

It's funny, cause I realized I really haven't even thought "why me?" I think that's because I don't think anyone should have to go through this, better me than someone else, and there is always a reason for EVERYTHING that happens, so that's not even an issue.

And it's not the fact that I could die if I have Behcet's Disease. Cause I can. It sometimes causes Meningitis or Encephalitis. Sometimes it causes blood clots and aneurysms. Or lung embolisms. But seriously, I could just as easily step off a curb and be hit by a bus. We're all gonna die at some point, and when my time is up, it's up.

It's the fact that right now my quality of life sucks. Ok, it could be worse. Everything could always be worse. But this is my blog, and I need to gripe. Lately I've been so dizzy I can't carry my daughter down the stairs. I tip over easily. I've had to do a lot of laying on the couch watching the kids play, not actually able to play with them. I seriously don't have the energy to take them for walks or outside. I get very easily fatigued. Most of the time my back is very sore, and it limits me. I have anti-inflammatories for it, but I'm only allowed to take one every couple of days because they have terrible long term side effects. Then there's the canker sores. OI. The last couple of days have been terrible, to the point I've barely been able to eat. When anything to do with my head or my neck hurts I get yucky emotional. I really don't mean to, but I find myself snapping, or crying at the drop of a hat. Luckily, the past week hasn't been too bad on my stomach.

Now I'm going to try to sleep, 'cause my new bed is being delivered tomorrow, and the kids and I have friends coming over.

oh, and

on the 8th I went to a Rheumatologist who is a specialist in AutoImmune Diseases, and after he poked and prodded and asked a gazillion questions, sent me for 9 vials worth of blood tests, xrays, he thinks my family doctor is probably right, that I have Bechet's Disease. The tests and xrays are to rule out other autoimmune diseases, because there is no diffinitive test for Bechet's. He said he's certain that there's an autoimmune disease or connective tissue disorder, but he's leaning towards Bechet's. Anyway, he'll have the results of the xrays today, some of the blood tests by next week, and the rest in a month - so I go back on the 13th of September for a follow up, to see what he's been able to rule out.

I've decided there's no point in worrying anymore. I was totally anxious before the appointment. But he's a really nice doctor, and maybe above all else I thought there was a chance he would tell me it was all in my head. I have now had three doctors(two family, one specialist) and one dentist tell me there is something wrong with my body, so I guess it's not just in my head. For that I'm relieved in a way, cause how I'm feeling is so hard to describe to friends and family they look and me oddly sometimes. Not that they mean to, and I understand why they don't get it. I don't look sick. So people expect me to be normal. But my body is waging a war on itself, and most of the time I feel like a train wreck.

My point of not worrying anymore is this: there is SOMETHING wrong. Of this the doctors are certain. Of what, they're still not sure. Whether it's Bechet's or any of the alternatives, really, they all hold the same kind of power over my longterm health. So which one it is, doesn't really matter in that way. Now we just need to know because the treatment options for each disease are different, and the routine tests they run to keep track of each disease is different. So that's all I need to know my diagnosis for. I've accepted there IS going to be a diagnosis. I'm no longer under the impression this was just malarky.

So whatever. We find out what it is, we learn how to manage it, and what to do to keep it as under wrap as possible.

lack of attention

due to my lack of attention when blogger changed over, I haven't been able to figure out how to log in. I guess I switched to the new system, but kept trying to log in the old way. Finally I've clued in. I've been going to friend's blogs and not leaving comments, cause I couldn't figure out how!

And talk about lack of attention. Man, I sure wasn't paying attention to storage when we looked at our new house. We have moved, last wednesday, and to my surprise, the kitchen cupboards are about 2/3 of what we used to have. And the master bedroom closets are about half the size. And the linen closet smells like BO.

EEEEEKKKK.

Ahhh, well it has certainly pulled out my creative side. I have organzied and reorganized my kitchen a few times now. There are still left over items on the counter that have no home, so I'm giving them away! In the master closet, I have made my husband move the existing shelf up and add a new one, so there are two levels to one of the small closets. I swear my two new closets make up one of the two in our old room . . . I guess I'll be getting rid of more clothes, or am going old fashioned and rotating summer/winter wardrobes in storage in the garage. Which is the only room in the house that is actually bigger and has more storage!!!

On the bright side, I LOVE my backyard. The old one was so small, and had to be accessed through the downstairs den, I couldn't see it from inside the house, so T never got to go out there unless I wanted to be there, and there were only about two seconds of grass and red ants. Our new backyard has a patio that our new table and chairs (thanks mom for the hand me down!) are on, still enough room for a BBQ when we buy one, and the grass! Okay, so it's brown. Who cares! It is more than big enough to actually PLAY, and did I mention, you access it through sliding glass doors from my KITCHEN. Since the main floor is open concept, I can even see him from the LIVING ROOM, on the other side of the house. And there is a fence around the yard. So he can play, and I can accomplish stuff inside! YAY.

We haven't had time to explore the pool in the complex yet, that will come. The playground is okay, quite small, and used as a litter box by neighbourhood cats, but there is a bigger, nicer one just outside the complex.

And we're an hour closer to hubby's work. Almost an hour closer to my parents. Dad said it took them 35 minutes to get here yesterday, through construction! And almost an hour closer to DH's SIS! And, we're now only 10 minutes away from my best friend instead of an hour!
However, downfalls that we're an extra 30 minutes from my sis, and some of my friends. That truly sucks. And the water here is not nearly as good!